UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF PRECIPITATION PROTECTION

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF PRECIPITATION PROTECTION

<<< ALERT >>>

Some of the fiercest and most deadly Antarctic winds created by temperature inversions on the high interior ice plateau
have caused many living creatures to lose their precipitation protection.

Umbrellas have been littering the southern hemisphere and oceans. They are scattered all over the globe, leaving United States Researchers and other Antartic bound inhabitants helpless.

<<< EXTREME CAUTION IS ADVISED >>>

This natural phenomenon occurs when drift snow is picked up and blown along the surface by the violent winds.

HUMANS AND ANIMALS ARE NOW VULNERABLE TO RAIN, HAIL, SLEET AND SNOW WITHOUT THEIR UMBRELLAS.

WELCOME TO THE HOME
OF THE
UNITED STATES
DEPARTMENT OF PRECIPITATION PROTECTION
________________________

MISSION STATEMENT
"The goal of the United States Department of Precipitation Protection is to inform and equip Citizens of the United States, both stationary and abroad, with an effective amount of information for the proper implementation and use of umbrellas to combat all phases of weather across the globe."
________________________

The United States Department of Precipitation Protection is a Division of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

<<< ORANGE ALERT >>>

The D.O.P.P. Level of
Emergency Response (LER)
has Officially Reached
Orange Status.

<<< CAUTION ADVISED >>>

D.O.P.P. (LER) STATUS