UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF PRECIPITATION PROTECTION

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF PRECIPITATION PROTECTION

<<< ALERT >>>

Some of the fiercest and most deadly Antarctic winds created by temperature inversions on the high interior ice plateau
have caused many living creatures to lose their precipitation protection.

Umbrellas have been littering the southern hemisphere and oceans. They are scattered all over the globe, leaving United States Researchers and other Antartic bound inhabitants helpless.

<<< EXTREME CAUTION IS ADVISED >>>

This natural phenomenon occurs when drift snow is picked up and blown along the surface by the violent winds.

HUMANS AND ANIMALS ARE NOW VULNERABLE TO RAIN, HAIL, SLEET AND SNOW WITHOUT THEIR UMBRELLAS.

U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) ALERT LEVELS
THE FOLLOWING ALERTS ARE IN PLACE TO ENSURE ALL LIVING CREATURES HAVE PROPER AWARENESS FOR AND SAFETY REGARDING ATMOSPHERIC CHANGES AND ITS DIRECT RELATION TO UMBRELLAS

	LIGHT BLUE Light Blue status is the safest and most ambiguous state of warning concerning the atmosphere and umbrellas. Light blue areas on U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) Imagery depict regions where there are none to few stray umbrellas registered to U.S. Citizens that could be impacted by changes in the weather patterns. These areas are of least danger.
	BLUE Blue status is a relatively safe state of warning concerning the atmosphere and umbrellas. Blue areas on U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) Imagery depict regions where there are small regions of stray umbrellas registered to U.S. Citizens that will be impacted by changes in the weather patterns. These areas are of little danger.
	YELLOW Yellow status is the usual state of warning concerning the atmosphere and umbrellas. Yellow areas on U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) Imagery depict regions where there are many clusters of stray umbrellas registered to U.S. Citizens that will be impacted by changes in the weather patterns. These areas suggest caution.
	ORANGE Orange status is a heightened state of warning concerning the atmosphere and umbrellas. Orange areas on U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) Imagery depict regions where there are many stray umbrellas registered to U.S. Citizens that will be impacted unexpectedly by changes in the weather patterns. These areas suggest extreme caution.
	RED Red status is the most extreme state of warning concerning the atmosphere and umbrellas. Red areas on U.S.D.O.P.P. (LER) Imagery depict regions where there are stray umbrellas of unknown origin that will be impacted unexpectedly by changes in the weather patterns and whose effect cannot be determined. These danger in these areas is unknown.

The United States Department of Precipitation Protection is a Division of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.